Post by Chloe on Jul 15, 2006 17:33:50 GMT
Piper (as spirit): Oh, no. Am I dead again?
7x16 The seven year witch
Piper: I'm sorry. You just lobotomized the love of my life, and you want me to take comfort in what?
7x16 The seven year witch
Piper: Okay. Any ideas?
Phoebe: Oh, I was hoping you'd have some.
Piper: Me? Why me?
Phoebe: Well, because you're the only one who still has any confidence around here.
Piper: Yeah, well, that's just 'cause I'm a good actor.
7x22 Something wicca this way goes
Phoebe: Oh, she's such a pretty dog.
Piper: What else did you expect?
Piper: Oh, honey, watch your orbs.
3x21 Look Who's Barking
Prue: Why do I have to carry the poisonous snake?
Piper: Because you're the oldest.
Prue: So?
Piper: So you've lived a full life.
2x13 Animal pragmatism
Piper: Phoebe, somebody is going to pay you to tell other people what to do. Shut up and be happy.
4x16 The fifth Halliwheel
Piper: You're not really a Halliwell until you've gone demonic on your sisters at least twice.
4x16 The fifth Halliwheel
Paige: How long do you think Phoebe's going to spend down there, anyway? The rest of her natural life?
Piper: Yeah. Long enough to be sure she doesn't shove her tongue down the throat of the next delivery guy.
6x03 Dragon's heat
Leo: This is not a little thing.
Piper: Yeah, well, where the hell were you? Why weren't you watching over his every move up there on your lofty perch?
6x03 Dragon's heat
Piper: Wyatt?
Phoebe: What is he doing? Why is he doing that?
Piper: Apparently, he's trying to scare away all of my dates. You little runt. Did your father teach you that?
6x07 Soul sister
Phoebe: Yeah, A date? Really? Does he know about Wyatt?
Piper: No, and he's not gonna anytime soon. At least not till after the honeymoon.
6x07 Soul sister
Phoebe: Didn't Richard lose it the last time he used magic? I mean, like, really lose it?
Piper: Uh, I can assure you that he stayed in complete control over the garbage disposal.
6x08 Charmed in Camelot
Piper: Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal?
Mordaunt: You will be in time.
Piper: No. I don't have time to play Queen Arthur.
6x08 Charmed in Camelot
Piper: That is not a friend. That's a demon.
Paige: No, he's just a baby!
Piper: 'Scuse me. Were you at the same vanquish as me? Because it took all three of us to stop its mother.
6x09 Hot mammas
Phoebe: It's just that I miss my family.
Piper: Well, that's good 'cause your family misses you, too. I mean, I don't have a lot of people to hang out with aside from my baby who doesn't really say much and then one really neurotic whitelighter.
6x11 Witchstock
Phoebe: No way. I refuse to believe that Grams ever wore anything this hot.
Piper: Yeah. I figured her more for steel-toed orthopedics, you know, the better to kick your ass with.
6x11 Witchstock
Piper: Ok, new plan. Blast and then bail.
6x13 Used karma
Piper: Yes. Well, that was before Chris informed us that our child was gonna grow up to be the future of all evil.
6x13 Used karma
Piper: I'm confused. How does cleansing her aura get Jason back?
Paige: No, Phoebe didn't cast the spell. Richard did.
Piper: Richard wants Jason back?
6x13 Used karma
Piper: Ok. Reunion later. Slay now.
6x13 Used karma
Piper: I'm talking about our lives. We can't just drop what we're doing every time somebody's head comes rolling down the stairs.
6x14 The legend of sleepy Halliwell
Genie Phoebe: Ah, ah, ah. The wording's not quite right there
Piper: Hey, I don't need a bossy genie on my back.
6x15 I dream of Phoebe
Piper: At least the darklighter waited till after the party to attack. That was nice of him.
6x16 Midnight rendezvous
Piper: Thanks. Uh ... you know, I rather imagined meadows, waterfalls, maybe even a harp.
Leo: Well, this isn't the afterlife. It's a ... place before that to ease the transition.
Piper: Mm-hmm. And lucky us, we're stuck here. That is, until our friendly Darklighter helps us move on permanently.
6x16 Midnight rendezvous
Paige: He's just ... distracted, that's all, by, you know, imminent death. (
Piper: That's no excuse.
6x17 Hyde school reunion
Piper: Uh, he was dying, and I was crying, um ... it's all very complicated.
6x17 Hyde school reunion
Paige: Yes, actually, I did. It's the spider demon, an evil creature that emerges from its hidden lair every 100 years to capture and feed off the most powerful magical being it can detect. In this case, that would be you.
Chris: And me. Sort of.
Piper: You must be so proud.
6x18 Spin city
Chris: No, no, no. I was just wondering how it went with the doctor.
Piper: Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy.
6x18 Spin city Spin city
Prue: I thought that you guys went to dinner.
Piper: We did and then for dessert we did a little demon hunting.
2x21 Apocalypse not
Prue: You have ten seconds to leave on your own.
Piper/Terra: Or what? What are you going to do, hit me with another rhyming couplet?
3x09 Coyote Piper
Paige: Then why am I stuck here reading? I should be learning how to body slam sweaty demons like Phoebe.
Piper: Phoebe's been at this a lot longer than you have, but trust me. Be patient and study hard and one day you will get a big sweaty demon of your own.
4x04 Enter the demon
Cole: I guess I should've seen this coming.
Piper: I want my sisters back, Cole.
Cole: Or what? What are you going to do? You can't vanquish me.
Piper: Doesn't mean I won't try.
5x10 The mummy's tomb
Phoebe: I am sorry, I can't. I'm possessed.
Piper: That is not an excuse!
5x13 House call
Piper: Well, my natural instincts are to panic and besides, every other mother-to-be doesn't have to worry about their child orbing out to Tahiti when they are sent to their room. I don't have a clue.
5x03 Happily ever after
Leo: Are you alright? What happened?
Piper: Before or after you were making out with the demon?
5x04 Siren's song
Cole: Wait, w-wait, you're pregnant?
Piper: Well, I was but now I think Leo is.
5x04 Siren's song
Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world.
5x06 The eyes have it
Paige: Oh, gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?
Piper: No, it's "The Joys Of Home Birthing". Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.
5x06 The eyes have it
Piper: So your new and improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us that we're screwed?
5x06 The eyes have it
Piper: Look, warlocks we can handle, demonic ex-husbands we can not.
5x08 A witch in time
Future Piper: Whoa-whoa-whoa, don't panic, I'm not a demon. Okay, I'm
you, obviously, from the future.
Piper: Apparently not very far in the future, I just bought that top.
5x08 A witch in time
Piper: It's not like I can call a service and ask for a nanny to watch over my little Charmed One while I go off and slay slimy demons.
5x09 Daddy dearest
Piper: Are you telling me she's going to evict someone from their own body? That's rude.
5x10 The mummy's tomb
Phoebe: Yeah, I know that but it's still very tempting. I mean, you could fix your plumbing, I could turn some lawyers into toads.
Piper: Aunt Phoebe, little wiccans have very big ears that can hear you.
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe
Paige: Okay, we need a plan.
Piper: Okay, here it is. We go home, we vomit...
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe
Phoebe: What about water birth? Can we do that at home?
Eve: Sure, we can rent a tub.
Piper: What am I, a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish.
5x12 Centennial Charmed
Piper: Are you kidding me? With exploding demons and trampling sisters, this place is a disaster area always. I have no idea what it's going to be like when the baby comes.
5x13 House call
Phoebe: Um, what are we supposed to do about my chainsaw killer?
Piper: Oh, don't worry about him, we'll blow him up before he lays a blade on you.
5x14 Sand Francisco dreamin'
Leo: Piper, what are you doing? You can't freeze the shrink, we're on the
clock.
Piper: Yeah, well, forget about the clock, 'cause you know what? We're gonna
need a calendar 'cause this is gonna take months.
5x18 Cat house
Daisy: Who's the sexy beast?
Piper: The beast is married. To me.
5x19 Naughty nymphs
Piper: Well, I guess I'll take your word for it considering you seem to know so much about him. "Enjoys Clark Gable movies", "Favourite dinner: Lamb chops with mint jelly".
Grams: Well, you know me. You never know what could be useful.
Piper: So what do you suggest? That I go to the video store and you get cooking?
5x21 Necromancing the stone
Grams: Oh, don't be so literal. I was just trying to show how much he craves life, the sensuousness of it. Food, drink, sex...
Piper: Don't! I don't wanna hear about a dead demon doing the dirty.
5x21 Necromancing the stone
Phoebe: Okay, so where are we?
Piper: Screwed.
5x22 Oh my goddess, part 1
Piper: I need to talk to my husband. I-I appreciate him becoming a magical folk hero for the masses and all, I really do, but enough is enough
5x22 Oh my goddess, part 1
Piper: We'll take our chances, follow the stench.
Phoebe: How?
Piper: I don't know. Get in touch with your inner fish.
5x01 A witch's tail, part 1
Piper: You know what, Grams? You were a lousy liar when you were alive, and now as a ghost, you're worse.
4x01 Charmed again, part 1
Piper: Oh no, Phoebe? A demon has the Book of Shadows. Oh no doesn't quite cover it.
4x03 Hell hath no fury
Piper: Phoebe, why would you even leave her alone with it?
Phoebe: Well, because she's our sister.
Piper: Not for long!
4x03 Hell hath no fury
Piper: You stole our sacred book so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?
4x03 Hell hath no fury
Paige: No, I don't get the shiver from him. Just the house. I think I'm on to something.
Piper: I really think that when you've been a witch for a few months, you'll know the difference between sensing evil and needing a warmer jacket.
4x05 Size matters
Piper: Paige, the Charmed Ones come first!
Phoebe: The Charmed Ones come first?
Piper: It always worked when Prue said it.
4x06 A knight to remember
Phoebe: "Defiant, clever, and independent." That kinda describes Paige, don't you think?
Piper: Yeah, along with stubborn, stubborn, and more stubborn.
4x06 A knight to remember
Phoebe: Us theme, you potion.
Piper: Me peeved, you annoying.
4x09 Muse to my ears
Piper: I swear to god, in the last couple of years we've vanquished more friendships than we have demons.
4x07 Brain drain
Phoebe: Okay, so just start cooking and let that inspire you.
Piper: Now she's Martha Stewart.
4x09 Muse to my ears
Piper: Cole was actually a much safer boyfriend when he was a demon
4x10 A Paige from the past
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm late and I need caffeine, so sue me.
Piper: Two weeks of jury duty and suddenly she's lawyery.
4x11 Trial by magic
Piper: I can be a little harsh, but it's part of my charm, you'll learn to love me for it.
4x11 Trial by magic
Paige: Ugh, I hate it when you're right.
Piper: Really? See I usually like it.
4x14 The three faces of Phoebe
Phoebe: Rice? No-no-no-no. We can't throw rice.
Piper: Why not?
Phoebe: Well, because the birds can't digest it. And they will blow up.
Piper: Okay, so we'll throw bird seed.
4x15 Marry-go-round
Piper: Yeah, only Prue could make my wedding day all about her
4x15 Marry-go-round
Phoebe: Okay, so what's going on? Is there a demon convention in San Francisco or what?
Piper: Yes, there is a demonic electoral college, they've called a meeting and they're voting in a new Source.
4x18 Bite me
Piper to the vampire queen: Stay away from us or you'll get an eye full of holy water and a chest full of wood.
4x18 Bite me
Paige: If he looks like a demon and walks like a demon...
Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband.
4x19 We're off to see the wizard
Piper: I can't believe we let that slimy Lord of the Rings wannabe use us.
4x19 We're off to see the wizard
Piper: These are a little more lethal - explosives, paralytics, your garden variety of poisons.
4x20 Long live the queen
Doctor: Have you seen a doctor since you found out you were pregnant?
Phoebe: I was under the care of a Seer.
Piper: It's kind of like a new age doctor.
4x21 Womb raider
Piper: Unborn babies don't perform magic tricks in the first trimester, Phoebe.
4x21 Womb raider
Piper: I don't know but don't panic, okay, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic.
4x21 Womb raider
Piper: And he knew where to find us. What, are we like in the Warlocks Guide of San Francisco?
3x17 Pre-Witched
Prue: I want you to be my maid of honour.
Prue: I mean, it's not like I would actually ask Phoebe.
Piper: So I win by default? Wow, Prue, you really know how to flatter a girl.
3x17 Pre-Witched
Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?
Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whip ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...
Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.
3x17 Pre-Witched
Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo.
3x20 Exit strategy
Piper: Prue and Phoebe are the super witches and I just tag along and freeze things
3x21 Look who's barking
Leo: You guys almost died, that's what happened.
Piper: Yeah, well, what else is new?
3x22 All hell breaks loose
Piper: What do you mean? He screamed, he went poof, just like they all do. Third demon in a row, by the way, that I vanquished with my new power, but who's counting?
3x22 All hell breaks loose
Piper: A demon I could have handled, but my big sister ruining my wedding, I can not handle that.
3x15 Just Harried
Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
3x14 The good, the bad and the cursed
Phoebe: Hey, if we don't vanquish Eames, can we at least vanquish Natalie?
Piper: Don't tempt me.
3x11 Blinded by the whitelighter
Piper: Gee, Prue, it's only 9:00 and your date's already over? How very Disney of you.
3x13 Bride and gloom
Paige: No! We can't make a scene, we need a plan.
Piper: Okay, alright - here it is. We go home, we vomit, then we find a way to vanquish them both!
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe
Prue: Okay, no matter what, just be supportive. (Piper comes down wearing a very weird black and gold feathered dress.) Wow! Um, you look great.
Leo: Really, really, really great.
Piper: Leo, two really' would have been plenty. I look ridiculous.
3x09 Coyote Piper
Caleb: I'm sort of new in town, and I'm looking to meet someone, someone special. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call to your...
Piper: Fiancé. Very large, very jealous fiancé.
3x10 We all scream for ice-cream
Darryl: Oh, no creepy talk in the precinct. Will you just keep down the creepy talk.
Piper: Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense.
4x10 A Paige from the past
Leo: Listen to me, Piper, I told you, I thought this whole thing through.
Piper: Uh huh. Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?
3x02 Magic hour
Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Phoebe: Sure, why not?
Piper: Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa.
3x03 Once upon a time
Phoebe: Okay, here is my stalker list. It's mostly guys that I knew in New York.
Piper: Wow, you were busy in New York.
3x05 Sight unseen
Piper: Seventeen? Prue was a nightmare at that age
2x22 Be careful what you witch for
Dan: There we go. (He turns the towel into a diaper.) How's that?
Piper: Wow, you're like MacGyver with estrogen.
2x11 Reckless abandon
Piper: Well, it's a weekday and Phoebe Halliwell is already at campus, while Prue Halliwell, master of the morning meetings, sultan of scheduling and queen of...
2x13 Animal pragmatism
Prue: Hmm, so I think I'll call this "woman not pretending to look out the window.
Piper: How about "girl about to pour hot tea on sisters head"?
2x18 Chick flick
Prue: Great, wait, you have to know if there's a warlock test.
Piper: How would I know?
Prue: Well, you are a warlock magnet.
2x07 They're everywhere
Piper: Dan's not a warlock. No cats have hissed at him, he has not blinked, he has not tried to kill me or my sisters and steal our powers as which you know is a key indicator
2x07 They're everywhere
Piper: Kiss this bitch!
(flowers appear above the Siren's head)
Piper: BAD BABY!
5x04 Siren's song
Phoebe: Piper...
Piper: No! Don't Piper me!
4x20 Long live the queen
Witch: Dammit! Then, if I am not the most powerful witch in the land, who is?
Piper: Take a wild guess.
5x03 Happily ever after
Piper: Phoebs, friendly little tip. Lay off the hairspray, theres a fire starter in the house.
4x12 Lost and bound
Piper: What, I'm supposed to throw out perfectly good flowers 'cause they came from a creep? If that was the rule, we'd never have flowers in this house.
1x17 That 70s episode
Leo: Where's Melody?
Paige: Oh, she's gone
Leo: Gone, as in she left?
Piper: Gone as in she got sucked in to a big red ring by a warlock named what was it?
4x09 Muse to my ears
Phoebe: Gram...
Piper: Mm-hmm. Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything she says. So, now it time to summon her transparent butt back and ask exactly what that reason is.
4x02 Charmed again, part 2
Phoebe: And they'll live happily ever after.
Piper: I wonder if we will.
Prue: Of course we will. Why shouldn't we?
Piper: That's easy for you to say. You'll never greet your husband at the door with "Honey, I think I froze the kids."
1x06 The wedding from hell
Phoebe: Well, tell him to stuff it. Tell him you're taking the night off.
Piper: I know, you're right. I will. (On the phone) Hello, Martin. No--okay. No, it's not a problem. I'll be right there.
Prue: Wow, you told him.
Phoebe: Beware of the wrath of Piper.
1x08 The truth is out there and it hurts
Piper: Then go home and reverse it, Tinkerbell!
3x03 Once upon a time
Phoebe: No. According to the Book Of Shadows, one of our ancestors was a witch, named Melinda Warren.
Piper: And we have a cousin who's a drunk, an aunt who's manic, and a father who's invisible.
1x01 Something wicca this way comes
Prue: Um, okay, well, uh, Piper, I have an idea. So what time is it?
Piper: It's 2:15.
Eva: Oh, you've made a big clock so small. You must possess great magic.
Piper: Just a good credit card
3x04 All Halliwell's eve
Piper: What are we going to do?
Leo: What we always do.
Piper: Talk about it later
4x12 Lost and bound
Leo: We have to talk.
Piper: You bet your whitelighter ass we have to talk!
2x04 The devil's music
Leo: Every time I see you, I love you even more. You're so beautiful. You're so special. I can't imagine my life without you.
Piper: Leo, who are you talking to?
Leo: Me? Uh, nobody, just myself, you know.
Piper: Yourself? You were telling yourself how much you love you?
3x01 Honeymoon's over
Leo: I hate to be bearer of bad news.
Piper: Could you possibly be the bearer of a big hug?
3x02 Magic hour
Prue: (to Darryl) So in the meantime we can just stick together since we are both dateless.
Piper: He's not dateless, he's married. You're dateless 'cause you're picky.
3x04 All Halliwell's eve
Father Thomas: There's nothing you can do. It will find us, and when it does we're all dead.
Piper: Well you're just a ray of sunshine now aren't ya.
3x06 Primrose empath
Piper: Leo, you obviously don't have sisters. One minute you're arguing about something and then suddenly you're arguing about who stole who's Malibu Barbie in 1979!
3x07 Power outage
Prue: Pig's feet.
Piper: Yuck...
Prue: Yuck?
Piper: Yuck...
Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh but you can't touch a pig's foot?
Piper: I'm a vegetarian.
Prue: Since when?
Piper: Since now...
3x08 Sleuthing with the enemy
Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would, often
3x12 Wrestling with demons
Paige: What the hell happened?
Piper: The freakin' furniture just attacked!
4x07 Brain drain
Piper: So why is Sir Lust-A-Lot after u
Paige: How should I know
Piper: Well, because it's your damn fariy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen
4x06 A knight to remember
Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower
1x18 Chick flick
Piper: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner.
Prue: I'm not hungry.
Phoebe: I ate on the bus.
Piper: Okay, we'll try the group hug later.
1x01 Something wicca this way comes
Piper: Wait a second. Last week we had no dad and now we have two?
1x03 Thank you for not morphing
Piper to Phoebe: Demons now, drooling later.
2x01 Witch trial
Piper: Phoebe, you're overreacting. That's my department.
2x15 Give me a sign
Piper: I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a Whitelighter, saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.
3x09 Coyote Piper
Piper: I'll help. Anything to get rid of her.
Phoebe: You mean him.
Piper: Nah. I mean her.
3x11 Blinded by the whitelighter
Piper: Yeah. Sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out and we pretty much know who to invite.
4x02 Charmed again, part 2
Phoebe: Well, I kind of sent him to...
Piper: Timbuktu. It rhymed with undo
4x02 Charmed again, part 2
(Leo orbs in and scares Piper, she blows up her CD player)
Leo: Ok, ok, ok, just relax.
Piper: That's what I was trying to do and then somebody made me blow up my guru.
3x21 Look who's barking
Piper to Leo: "Ok, could you give me all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?"
3x21 Look who's barking
Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?
Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?
Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?
3x13 Bride and Gloom
(Piper & Prue had cast a spell to read other people's minds)
Piper: Yeah, next time get your own damn lipstick.
Prue: I heard that!
Piper: I love you!
Prue: Bite me!
2x07 They're everywhere
Leo: Piper, what are you doing?
Piper: Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge?
Leo: She's not in charge.
Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate.
3x11 Blinded by the withelighter
Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog and Phoebe is a banshee. I am not even in the vacinity of okay.
3x21 Look Who's Barking
Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.
Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? (She holds up his death certificate.) Let's not get technical now.
3x20 Exit strategy
7x16 The seven year witch
Piper: I'm sorry. You just lobotomized the love of my life, and you want me to take comfort in what?
7x16 The seven year witch
Piper: Okay. Any ideas?
Phoebe: Oh, I was hoping you'd have some.
Piper: Me? Why me?
Phoebe: Well, because you're the only one who still has any confidence around here.
Piper: Yeah, well, that's just 'cause I'm a good actor.
7x22 Something wicca this way goes
Phoebe: Oh, she's such a pretty dog.
Piper: What else did you expect?
Piper: Oh, honey, watch your orbs.
3x21 Look Who's Barking
Prue: Why do I have to carry the poisonous snake?
Piper: Because you're the oldest.
Prue: So?
Piper: So you've lived a full life.
2x13 Animal pragmatism
Piper: Phoebe, somebody is going to pay you to tell other people what to do. Shut up and be happy.
4x16 The fifth Halliwheel
Piper: You're not really a Halliwell until you've gone demonic on your sisters at least twice.
4x16 The fifth Halliwheel
Paige: How long do you think Phoebe's going to spend down there, anyway? The rest of her natural life?
Piper: Yeah. Long enough to be sure she doesn't shove her tongue down the throat of the next delivery guy.
6x03 Dragon's heat
Leo: This is not a little thing.
Piper: Yeah, well, where the hell were you? Why weren't you watching over his every move up there on your lofty perch?
6x03 Dragon's heat
Piper: Wyatt?
Phoebe: What is he doing? Why is he doing that?
Piper: Apparently, he's trying to scare away all of my dates. You little runt. Did your father teach you that?
6x07 Soul sister
Phoebe: Yeah, A date? Really? Does he know about Wyatt?
Piper: No, and he's not gonna anytime soon. At least not till after the honeymoon.
6x07 Soul sister
Phoebe: Didn't Richard lose it the last time he used magic? I mean, like, really lose it?
Piper: Uh, I can assure you that he stayed in complete control over the garbage disposal.
6x08 Charmed in Camelot
Piper: Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal?
Mordaunt: You will be in time.
Piper: No. I don't have time to play Queen Arthur.
6x08 Charmed in Camelot
Piper: That is not a friend. That's a demon.
Paige: No, he's just a baby!
Piper: 'Scuse me. Were you at the same vanquish as me? Because it took all three of us to stop its mother.
6x09 Hot mammas
Phoebe: It's just that I miss my family.
Piper: Well, that's good 'cause your family misses you, too. I mean, I don't have a lot of people to hang out with aside from my baby who doesn't really say much and then one really neurotic whitelighter.
6x11 Witchstock
Phoebe: No way. I refuse to believe that Grams ever wore anything this hot.
Piper: Yeah. I figured her more for steel-toed orthopedics, you know, the better to kick your ass with.
6x11 Witchstock
Piper: Ok, new plan. Blast and then bail.
6x13 Used karma
Piper: Yes. Well, that was before Chris informed us that our child was gonna grow up to be the future of all evil.
6x13 Used karma
Piper: I'm confused. How does cleansing her aura get Jason back?
Paige: No, Phoebe didn't cast the spell. Richard did.
Piper: Richard wants Jason back?
6x13 Used karma
Piper: Ok. Reunion later. Slay now.
6x13 Used karma
Piper: I'm talking about our lives. We can't just drop what we're doing every time somebody's head comes rolling down the stairs.
6x14 The legend of sleepy Halliwell
Genie Phoebe: Ah, ah, ah. The wording's not quite right there
Piper: Hey, I don't need a bossy genie on my back.
6x15 I dream of Phoebe
Piper: At least the darklighter waited till after the party to attack. That was nice of him.
6x16 Midnight rendezvous
Piper: Thanks. Uh ... you know, I rather imagined meadows, waterfalls, maybe even a harp.
Leo: Well, this isn't the afterlife. It's a ... place before that to ease the transition.
Piper: Mm-hmm. And lucky us, we're stuck here. That is, until our friendly Darklighter helps us move on permanently.
6x16 Midnight rendezvous
Paige: He's just ... distracted, that's all, by, you know, imminent death. (
Piper: That's no excuse.
6x17 Hyde school reunion
Piper: Uh, he was dying, and I was crying, um ... it's all very complicated.
6x17 Hyde school reunion
Paige: Yes, actually, I did. It's the spider demon, an evil creature that emerges from its hidden lair every 100 years to capture and feed off the most powerful magical being it can detect. In this case, that would be you.
Chris: And me. Sort of.
Piper: You must be so proud.
6x18 Spin city
Chris: No, no, no. I was just wondering how it went with the doctor.
Piper: Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy.
6x18 Spin city Spin city
Prue: I thought that you guys went to dinner.
Piper: We did and then for dessert we did a little demon hunting.
2x21 Apocalypse not
Prue: You have ten seconds to leave on your own.
Piper/Terra: Or what? What are you going to do, hit me with another rhyming couplet?
3x09 Coyote Piper
Paige: Then why am I stuck here reading? I should be learning how to body slam sweaty demons like Phoebe.
Piper: Phoebe's been at this a lot longer than you have, but trust me. Be patient and study hard and one day you will get a big sweaty demon of your own.
4x04 Enter the demon
Cole: I guess I should've seen this coming.
Piper: I want my sisters back, Cole.
Cole: Or what? What are you going to do? You can't vanquish me.
Piper: Doesn't mean I won't try.
5x10 The mummy's tomb
Phoebe: I am sorry, I can't. I'm possessed.
Piper: That is not an excuse!
5x13 House call
Piper: Well, my natural instincts are to panic and besides, every other mother-to-be doesn't have to worry about their child orbing out to Tahiti when they are sent to their room. I don't have a clue.
5x03 Happily ever after
Leo: Are you alright? What happened?
Piper: Before or after you were making out with the demon?
5x04 Siren's song
Cole: Wait, w-wait, you're pregnant?
Piper: Well, I was but now I think Leo is.
5x04 Siren's song
Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world.
5x06 The eyes have it
Paige: Oh, gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?
Piper: No, it's "The Joys Of Home Birthing". Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.
5x06 The eyes have it
Piper: So your new and improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us that we're screwed?
5x06 The eyes have it
Piper: Look, warlocks we can handle, demonic ex-husbands we can not.
5x08 A witch in time
Future Piper: Whoa-whoa-whoa, don't panic, I'm not a demon. Okay, I'm
you, obviously, from the future.
Piper: Apparently not very far in the future, I just bought that top.
5x08 A witch in time
Piper: It's not like I can call a service and ask for a nanny to watch over my little Charmed One while I go off and slay slimy demons.
5x09 Daddy dearest
Piper: Are you telling me she's going to evict someone from their own body? That's rude.
5x10 The mummy's tomb
Phoebe: Yeah, I know that but it's still very tempting. I mean, you could fix your plumbing, I could turn some lawyers into toads.
Piper: Aunt Phoebe, little wiccans have very big ears that can hear you.
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe
Paige: Okay, we need a plan.
Piper: Okay, here it is. We go home, we vomit...
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe
Phoebe: What about water birth? Can we do that at home?
Eve: Sure, we can rent a tub.
Piper: What am I, a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish.
5x12 Centennial Charmed
Piper: Are you kidding me? With exploding demons and trampling sisters, this place is a disaster area always. I have no idea what it's going to be like when the baby comes.
5x13 House call
Phoebe: Um, what are we supposed to do about my chainsaw killer?
Piper: Oh, don't worry about him, we'll blow him up before he lays a blade on you.
5x14 Sand Francisco dreamin'
Leo: Piper, what are you doing? You can't freeze the shrink, we're on the
clock.
Piper: Yeah, well, forget about the clock, 'cause you know what? We're gonna
need a calendar 'cause this is gonna take months.
5x18 Cat house
Daisy: Who's the sexy beast?
Piper: The beast is married. To me.
5x19 Naughty nymphs
Piper: Well, I guess I'll take your word for it considering you seem to know so much about him. "Enjoys Clark Gable movies", "Favourite dinner: Lamb chops with mint jelly".
Grams: Well, you know me. You never know what could be useful.
Piper: So what do you suggest? That I go to the video store and you get cooking?
5x21 Necromancing the stone
Grams: Oh, don't be so literal. I was just trying to show how much he craves life, the sensuousness of it. Food, drink, sex...
Piper: Don't! I don't wanna hear about a dead demon doing the dirty.
5x21 Necromancing the stone
Phoebe: Okay, so where are we?
Piper: Screwed.
5x22 Oh my goddess, part 1
Piper: I need to talk to my husband. I-I appreciate him becoming a magical folk hero for the masses and all, I really do, but enough is enough
5x22 Oh my goddess, part 1
Piper: We'll take our chances, follow the stench.
Phoebe: How?
Piper: I don't know. Get in touch with your inner fish.
5x01 A witch's tail, part 1
Piper: You know what, Grams? You were a lousy liar when you were alive, and now as a ghost, you're worse.
4x01 Charmed again, part 1
Piper: Oh no, Phoebe? A demon has the Book of Shadows. Oh no doesn't quite cover it.
4x03 Hell hath no fury
Piper: Phoebe, why would you even leave her alone with it?
Phoebe: Well, because she's our sister.
Piper: Not for long!
4x03 Hell hath no fury
Piper: You stole our sacred book so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?
4x03 Hell hath no fury
Paige: No, I don't get the shiver from him. Just the house. I think I'm on to something.
Piper: I really think that when you've been a witch for a few months, you'll know the difference between sensing evil and needing a warmer jacket.
4x05 Size matters
Piper: Paige, the Charmed Ones come first!
Phoebe: The Charmed Ones come first?
Piper: It always worked when Prue said it.
4x06 A knight to remember
Phoebe: "Defiant, clever, and independent." That kinda describes Paige, don't you think?
Piper: Yeah, along with stubborn, stubborn, and more stubborn.
4x06 A knight to remember
Phoebe: Us theme, you potion.
Piper: Me peeved, you annoying.
4x09 Muse to my ears
Piper: I swear to god, in the last couple of years we've vanquished more friendships than we have demons.
4x07 Brain drain
Phoebe: Okay, so just start cooking and let that inspire you.
Piper: Now she's Martha Stewart.
4x09 Muse to my ears
Piper: Cole was actually a much safer boyfriend when he was a demon
4x10 A Paige from the past
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm late and I need caffeine, so sue me.
Piper: Two weeks of jury duty and suddenly she's lawyery.
4x11 Trial by magic
Piper: I can be a little harsh, but it's part of my charm, you'll learn to love me for it.
4x11 Trial by magic
Paige: Ugh, I hate it when you're right.
Piper: Really? See I usually like it.
4x14 The three faces of Phoebe
Phoebe: Rice? No-no-no-no. We can't throw rice.
Piper: Why not?
Phoebe: Well, because the birds can't digest it. And they will blow up.
Piper: Okay, so we'll throw bird seed.
4x15 Marry-go-round
Piper: Yeah, only Prue could make my wedding day all about her
4x15 Marry-go-round
Phoebe: Okay, so what's going on? Is there a demon convention in San Francisco or what?
Piper: Yes, there is a demonic electoral college, they've called a meeting and they're voting in a new Source.
4x18 Bite me
Piper to the vampire queen: Stay away from us or you'll get an eye full of holy water and a chest full of wood.
4x18 Bite me
Paige: If he looks like a demon and walks like a demon...
Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband.
4x19 We're off to see the wizard
Piper: I can't believe we let that slimy Lord of the Rings wannabe use us.
4x19 We're off to see the wizard
Piper: These are a little more lethal - explosives, paralytics, your garden variety of poisons.
4x20 Long live the queen
Doctor: Have you seen a doctor since you found out you were pregnant?
Phoebe: I was under the care of a Seer.
Piper: It's kind of like a new age doctor.
4x21 Womb raider
Piper: Unborn babies don't perform magic tricks in the first trimester, Phoebe.
4x21 Womb raider
Piper: I don't know but don't panic, okay, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic.
4x21 Womb raider
Piper: And he knew where to find us. What, are we like in the Warlocks Guide of San Francisco?
3x17 Pre-Witched
Prue: I want you to be my maid of honour.
Prue: I mean, it's not like I would actually ask Phoebe.
Piper: So I win by default? Wow, Prue, you really know how to flatter a girl.
3x17 Pre-Witched
Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?
Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whip ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...
Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.
3x17 Pre-Witched
Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo.
3x20 Exit strategy
Piper: Prue and Phoebe are the super witches and I just tag along and freeze things
3x21 Look who's barking
Leo: You guys almost died, that's what happened.
Piper: Yeah, well, what else is new?
3x22 All hell breaks loose
Piper: What do you mean? He screamed, he went poof, just like they all do. Third demon in a row, by the way, that I vanquished with my new power, but who's counting?
3x22 All hell breaks loose
Piper: A demon I could have handled, but my big sister ruining my wedding, I can not handle that.
3x15 Just Harried
Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
3x14 The good, the bad and the cursed
Phoebe: Hey, if we don't vanquish Eames, can we at least vanquish Natalie?
Piper: Don't tempt me.
3x11 Blinded by the whitelighter
Piper: Gee, Prue, it's only 9:00 and your date's already over? How very Disney of you.
3x13 Bride and gloom
Paige: No! We can't make a scene, we need a plan.
Piper: Okay, alright - here it is. We go home, we vomit, then we find a way to vanquish them both!
5x11 The importance of being Phoebe
Prue: Okay, no matter what, just be supportive. (Piper comes down wearing a very weird black and gold feathered dress.) Wow! Um, you look great.
Leo: Really, really, really great.
Piper: Leo, two really' would have been plenty. I look ridiculous.
3x09 Coyote Piper
Caleb: I'm sort of new in town, and I'm looking to meet someone, someone special. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call to your...
Piper: Fiancé. Very large, very jealous fiancé.
3x10 We all scream for ice-cream
Darryl: Oh, no creepy talk in the precinct. Will you just keep down the creepy talk.
Piper: Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense.
4x10 A Paige from the past
Leo: Listen to me, Piper, I told you, I thought this whole thing through.
Piper: Uh huh. Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?
3x02 Magic hour
Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Phoebe: Sure, why not?
Piper: Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa.
3x03 Once upon a time
Phoebe: Okay, here is my stalker list. It's mostly guys that I knew in New York.
Piper: Wow, you were busy in New York.
3x05 Sight unseen
Piper: Seventeen? Prue was a nightmare at that age
2x22 Be careful what you witch for
Dan: There we go. (He turns the towel into a diaper.) How's that?
Piper: Wow, you're like MacGyver with estrogen.
2x11 Reckless abandon
Piper: Well, it's a weekday and Phoebe Halliwell is already at campus, while Prue Halliwell, master of the morning meetings, sultan of scheduling and queen of...
2x13 Animal pragmatism
Prue: Hmm, so I think I'll call this "woman not pretending to look out the window.
Piper: How about "girl about to pour hot tea on sisters head"?
2x18 Chick flick
Prue: Great, wait, you have to know if there's a warlock test.
Piper: How would I know?
Prue: Well, you are a warlock magnet.
2x07 They're everywhere
Piper: Dan's not a warlock. No cats have hissed at him, he has not blinked, he has not tried to kill me or my sisters and steal our powers as which you know is a key indicator
2x07 They're everywhere
Piper: Kiss this bitch!
(flowers appear above the Siren's head)
Piper: BAD BABY!
5x04 Siren's song
Phoebe: Piper...
Piper: No! Don't Piper me!
4x20 Long live the queen
Witch: Dammit! Then, if I am not the most powerful witch in the land, who is?
Piper: Take a wild guess.
5x03 Happily ever after
Piper: Phoebs, friendly little tip. Lay off the hairspray, theres a fire starter in the house.
4x12 Lost and bound
Piper: What, I'm supposed to throw out perfectly good flowers 'cause they came from a creep? If that was the rule, we'd never have flowers in this house.
1x17 That 70s episode
Leo: Where's Melody?
Paige: Oh, she's gone
Leo: Gone, as in she left?
Piper: Gone as in she got sucked in to a big red ring by a warlock named what was it?
4x09 Muse to my ears
Phoebe: Gram...
Piper: Mm-hmm. Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything she says. So, now it time to summon her transparent butt back and ask exactly what that reason is.
4x02 Charmed again, part 2
Phoebe: And they'll live happily ever after.
Piper: I wonder if we will.
Prue: Of course we will. Why shouldn't we?
Piper: That's easy for you to say. You'll never greet your husband at the door with "Honey, I think I froze the kids."
1x06 The wedding from hell
Phoebe: Well, tell him to stuff it. Tell him you're taking the night off.
Piper: I know, you're right. I will. (On the phone) Hello, Martin. No--okay. No, it's not a problem. I'll be right there.
Prue: Wow, you told him.
Phoebe: Beware of the wrath of Piper.
1x08 The truth is out there and it hurts
Piper: Then go home and reverse it, Tinkerbell!
3x03 Once upon a time
Phoebe: No. According to the Book Of Shadows, one of our ancestors was a witch, named Melinda Warren.
Piper: And we have a cousin who's a drunk, an aunt who's manic, and a father who's invisible.
1x01 Something wicca this way comes
Prue: Um, okay, well, uh, Piper, I have an idea. So what time is it?
Piper: It's 2:15.
Eva: Oh, you've made a big clock so small. You must possess great magic.
Piper: Just a good credit card
3x04 All Halliwell's eve
Piper: What are we going to do?
Leo: What we always do.
Piper: Talk about it later
4x12 Lost and bound
Leo: We have to talk.
Piper: You bet your whitelighter ass we have to talk!
2x04 The devil's music
Leo: Every time I see you, I love you even more. You're so beautiful. You're so special. I can't imagine my life without you.
Piper: Leo, who are you talking to?
Leo: Me? Uh, nobody, just myself, you know.
Piper: Yourself? You were telling yourself how much you love you?
3x01 Honeymoon's over
Leo: I hate to be bearer of bad news.
Piper: Could you possibly be the bearer of a big hug?
3x02 Magic hour
Prue: (to Darryl) So in the meantime we can just stick together since we are both dateless.
Piper: He's not dateless, he's married. You're dateless 'cause you're picky.
3x04 All Halliwell's eve
Father Thomas: There's nothing you can do. It will find us, and when it does we're all dead.
Piper: Well you're just a ray of sunshine now aren't ya.
3x06 Primrose empath
Piper: Leo, you obviously don't have sisters. One minute you're arguing about something and then suddenly you're arguing about who stole who's Malibu Barbie in 1979!
3x07 Power outage
Prue: Pig's feet.
Piper: Yuck...
Prue: Yuck?
Piper: Yuck...
Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh but you can't touch a pig's foot?
Piper: I'm a vegetarian.
Prue: Since when?
Piper: Since now...
3x08 Sleuthing with the enemy
Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would, often
3x12 Wrestling with demons
Paige: What the hell happened?
Piper: The freakin' furniture just attacked!
4x07 Brain drain
Piper: So why is Sir Lust-A-Lot after u
Paige: How should I know
Piper: Well, because it's your damn fariy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen
4x06 A knight to remember
Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower
1x18 Chick flick
Piper: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner.
Prue: I'm not hungry.
Phoebe: I ate on the bus.
Piper: Okay, we'll try the group hug later.
1x01 Something wicca this way comes
Piper: Wait a second. Last week we had no dad and now we have two?
1x03 Thank you for not morphing
Piper to Phoebe: Demons now, drooling later.
2x01 Witch trial
Piper: Phoebe, you're overreacting. That's my department.
2x15 Give me a sign
Piper: I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a Whitelighter, saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.
3x09 Coyote Piper
Piper: I'll help. Anything to get rid of her.
Phoebe: You mean him.
Piper: Nah. I mean her.
3x11 Blinded by the whitelighter
Piper: Yeah. Sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out and we pretty much know who to invite.
4x02 Charmed again, part 2
Phoebe: Well, I kind of sent him to...
Piper: Timbuktu. It rhymed with undo
4x02 Charmed again, part 2
(Leo orbs in and scares Piper, she blows up her CD player)
Leo: Ok, ok, ok, just relax.
Piper: That's what I was trying to do and then somebody made me blow up my guru.
3x21 Look who's barking
Piper to Leo: "Ok, could you give me all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?"
3x21 Look who's barking
Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?
Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?
Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?
3x13 Bride and Gloom
(Piper & Prue had cast a spell to read other people's minds)
Piper: Yeah, next time get your own damn lipstick.
Prue: I heard that!
Piper: I love you!
Prue: Bite me!
2x07 They're everywhere
Leo: Piper, what are you doing?
Piper: Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge?
Leo: She's not in charge.
Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate.
3x11 Blinded by the withelighter
Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog and Phoebe is a banshee. I am not even in the vacinity of okay.
3x21 Look Who's Barking
Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.
Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? (She holds up his death certificate.) Let's not get technical now.
3x20 Exit strategy
